repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
