Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
