in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
