Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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