he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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