So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
