She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
