so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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