i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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