Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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