actually, I'm a sock model
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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