he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
