Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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