The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
