New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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