I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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