I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
