So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
