I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize