herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
