dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema†were spoken.
Randomize
