my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
