I'm really into asian looking animals
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
