Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
