when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
