I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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