i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
