D3 body, D1 cock
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
