we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
