Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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