He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
