I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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