ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
