we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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