Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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