I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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