Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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