At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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