Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
