I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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