I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
