he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
