Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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