i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
