I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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