I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
