Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
