There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I'm really busy with my period
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