Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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