I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
