I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
