The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my poor anus
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
