can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
