Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
