their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
