i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
