im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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