Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
