I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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