I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize