There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
