Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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