When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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