All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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