do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
