She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
