Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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