You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
