dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
