go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
