I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
