Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
