So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
