bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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