guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
