It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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