Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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