Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
