You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
