DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
